What the math? Like most of you know, and by most of you I mean Jeff Morin, I'm a huge fan of the Cartoon Network show Adventure Time. I also like dollah dollah bills, ya'll. So this is the best dollar bill desecration that I've even seen.

This is what you get when you cross The Punisher! You get punished right through physical objects.

Armored starts off as a somewhat promising deviation from the standard heist movie and then quickly degenerates into formulaic action fare. The plot revolves around a team of armored truck guards led by Matt Dillion. They decide that, on a day when they're transporting an unusually large amount of money, they're going to stage a hijacking and take the money for themselves. Things don't go according to plan, because if they did, it would make for a really boring movie. Unfortunately, it's still a predictable, boring movie.

Read the full review at Movie Vault.

Some of the promotional material would have you believe that Planet 51 is about a human astronaut that lands on an alien world and is hunted out of fear and ignorance. In reality, Planet 51 is about Lem, a teenage alien (we're never given a name for the species) whose life gets turned upside down when a visitor from another planet lands in his backyard.

Read the full review over at Movie Vault.

Cha Sa-soon, a 69-year-old woman in Seoul, South Korea, passed the written portion of the South Korean driver's license test on her 960th try. The behind-the-wheel portion only took her 10 tries, and while that's still pretty terrible, it makes her look like Jeff Gordon in comparison to 960 tries. She's been taking the test almost daily since April of 2005 and she finally passed last year. This makes me wonder if she should even be driving. Nevermind the fact that she's already pushing 70, but it took her five years of trying almost everyday to pass the exam. Even though she did pass eventually, does that still count as qualified?

My friend Michael Kwan wrote a blog post today that seems incredibly appropriate entitled Fine Line Between Persistence and Obstinance.

This is a story near and dear to my heart. I'm 25-years-old and I don't have my license. Now, if it takes me 959 times to pass the written portion, I won't feel that terrible.

Pirate Radio is about several things, but swashbuckling is unfortunately not one of them. It's about Radio Rock, a rock n' roll radio station illegally broadcasting to the United Kingdom out of the North Sea in the 1960s. It's about the men (and woman, but a lesbian, so it's ok) running the ship and the rebellious, unorthodox lives that they lead. It's about young Carl (Tom Sturridge), who's sent to live on the ship with his godfather Quentin (Bill Nighy), the ship's Captain, to get his life on the right track. Oops. Finally, it's about select members of the British government who have made it their mission in life to destroy pirate radio. They don't want to simply fine or punish, they want to wipe it from the face of the Earth.

Read the full review at Movie Vault.

Gamer takes place "some years" from now according to the opening caption, which seems lazy, although given the subject matter, I'm sure it's meant to be ambiguous and alarming. A man named Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall) has invented a self-replicating nanite which colonize in your brain and give someone else control of you, i.e. mind control. The first implementation of this technology was used in Society, a fakecommunity where players could control real people and live out interactions, much like the PC sim Second Life. The technology was then used to create Slayers, which the plot of the movie revolves around. Meanwhile, an anti-nanite movement called Humanz is trying to bring Castle's empire down.

Read the full review at Movie Vault.

As the film opens, U.S. Marshall Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his new partner Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo) are on a ferry headed to Shutter Island to invesitage the disappearance of a patient from the AshcliffeHospital for the Criminally Insane. A storm is on the way and the sky is grey and overcast. Teddy Daniels is seasick and vomiting. And soon, Shutter Island is looming in the distance.

Read the full review at Movie Vault.

2012 is about the titular year and oh what a year it is. There's a longstanding belief that the world will end in December of that year, as that's the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar. NASA has compared the 2012 hysteria to the Y2K hysteria of the late 1990s, but many stand firm in the belief that the apocalypse is just around the corner. Filmmaker Roland Emmerich saw the prediction for what it truly is: a fantastic movie idea.

Read the full review at Movie Vault.

Despite the mixed reviews, I went into Surrogates with high hopes given that it featured three things I love: robots, Bruce Willis, and comic books. The film was adapted from a comic book and stars Bruce Willis as FBI Agent Tom Greer in a world where most of humanity lives out their lives through robotic surrogates. They sit at home, fat, lazy, and unshaven, while plugged into much better-looking robotic dopplegangers.

Read the whole review at Movie Vault.